Claimed I liked u now blame is spiteful/ too many times I tried to/ keep it light n simple/ but the farther I try n keep u tha harder u try n lean to/ startin to belive too that I'm more of the issue/ its either that or my sex is givin u amnesia/ prone to pleasure, but that's her or the next her/ its in my nature /Cold aint just a nomenclature/ Not to be trusted/ girls are quite like buses/ soon as I get on/ I'm waitin for my stop to come/ can't enjoy the ride Love/ cause u failed emissions and got us both choked up/ remindin myself to beathe easy/ ur texts be makin me queazy/ can't give up on love/ but I caught this bug/ and threw up all of it/ no longer makin me sick/ the butterflies don't exist/ grew wings fluttered n dipped/ upchucked the feeling lookin forward to stress free/ I already miss u but I much rather breathe
she love me/ she love me not/ she drivin me crazy: how can I make it stop/ I need u I want u just don't wanna keep u/dont that make sense girl, aint that real simple?
Keep u on my mind cause I pretend to be human/ memories come frequent bout ur smile so soothing/ I reminisce u, old u not this you/ the whole moment is gone once my mind say it miss u/ I love thinkin bout u wit the mute button on/ daydreamin wit no words silence my favorite song/ just motions, us coastin/ steady paralleled emotions/ reminiscin u, kissin u, in these daydreams ur real quiet/ I like it. Love language spoken without a word/ translated, interpreted into mmmm's not verbs/ lovin u in silence don't wanna hear a peep/ drivin long distance jus me in the jeep/ month one month two month three/ remember we two loose leafs lying between the sheets/ unadultered, untamed, unbridaled insane/ incredible, delectable, I do, u do, was it good for u?/ passion was never what caused the clashin/ if we never had to speak/ our song wud still be on repeat/ but silence was broken too often/ pride spoken n now the sheets is open and clean n bare/ and the two Aces is no longer a pair/ n my long fingers no longer thru ur hair/ n I fall asleep no longer to ur stare/ and all of the peace somehow morphed to grief/ and I can't even look at ur name in my fone/ ur just an area code, 7 digits no ringtone
she love me/ she love me not/ she drivin me crazy: how can I make it stop/ I need u I want u just don't wanna keep u/dont that make sense girl, aint that real simple?
So ur there and I'm here and my sanity want no parts of a we/ our love's too damn complex/ so I control Alt Delete n reset/ not saving this page nope/ shut down that window Closed/ I'll wait n wait till my screen goes blank/ till I reminic u not, till I no longer crave another shot/ till the daydreams r all gone and we can shake hands wit our clothes on/ heh.. Which way do I go from here?/ Keep it Cold or pretend to care?/ I'd like to avoid bouncing another check/ the fees r too high/ I'm startin to look more n more n more like the bad guy/ but Shorty's like u way too damn expensive/ I paid attention/ tried to buy us time/ purchased extra protection/ for those direct deposits of mine/ but I maxed out, sold out, paid up gave in/ another joint account wouldn't be the wisest decision/ this whole tune is so taboo tho just like a tatoo yo/ soon as i forget how painful it was/ I'm ready for another, pass the needle my love/
she love me/ she love me not/ she drivin me crazy: how can I make it stop/ I need u I want u just don't wanna keep u/dont that make sense girl, aint that real simple?
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
so emotional
How the f*#k u cud u leave wothout saying goodbye without callin me Geez one more time?
How u gon leave before I get to have my two boys and watch them play power rangers together n make too much noise? U left way too soon, dog I was gonna call u back. I just got in around 1am and didn't wanna wake the fam... But damn. I was gonna hit u up the next day but the next day you was gone. She called me n told u me you just stayed asleep- found u cold and solid not a breath or peep. You aint even finish cuttin juju beans hair- u just left- midsentence like a comma and we all posed to just move on? I never wanted u to hear me mad at you I swear. U thought our family was distant cause of ur previous missions. U kno I'd never judge u got too much love for you. Now the youngest wear the line like its his cover "no closer than a brother" Why Rhakeem? Now I'm just supposed to see u in my dreams? U kno I don't sleep enough. I never was the emotional one that was you n Jay- but since u went away I can't call it. I swear I'm still strong but my walls be fallin. If I woulda called you right away- soon as I read the note u mailed me that day with the picture of your boys, big ol heads like yours- if I called you right away- would I have snatched u out ur sleep before death came n reaped? I don't know if I'm mad at you or the Doctor or this life this just don't seem right.... And right now I'm so emotional somewhere between sad and anti-social I scribble and I type tryna write like u used to write. I don't wanna always sound morbid but its how I keep the tears from crawlin. Sorrows are like tomorrows right? Inevitable and temporary? Then this has been one long azz today- the pain subsides but never goes away. Everytime I talk 2 ur wife- ur boys my nephews I feel for their lives. I mean u were myyy big Brother- but u raised them and was in love wit her and the pain I feel simultaneously enrages me- feel like how can I miss you when I'm fully grown? The boys have no more home to call home. Your wife gotta do it all alone. You and I were phone calls and holidays...blood never thinned but we coped long distance. I don't deserve to be so emotional but....what the f*ck else am I supposed to do?
Am I supposed to wear your name on my chest? Yes and I do and every mirror, wife beater and v-neck exposes you. Remember when I told you my boy Joe-nathan made fun of me? For how I used to tell all your stories? "My big brother does this, that and the other" All my fellas through high school knew you well, never saw you for a second but who could tell? All the biggest moments of my life were not felt when they were dated- but after hearing you describe them all animated. You turned my moments to historic, my proportions grew enormous just hearing the source of this shadow exclaim them.
You lived your life and did everything to protect me from repeating and all I ever wanted was your nod of approval in due season. So when we grew and it became me coaching you nothing was more gratifying then getting off the phone and being able to return to you some of the strength that you grew me on. So emotionally content, wound up yet able to vent because you spent the right amount of time loving yourself...loving yourself enough to thank the folks that helped you up. If I can do with the rest of my life what you did with the last 5 months of your time- pleased they'd all be with my legacy. I'm a giant because of you and I don't know how to play short. I still run for the end zone like I can never be caught. They call me a "true Libra" say I have no feelings either but I have yet to meet an emotion that stays and overcomes beyond a day like the way you blanket the sane of my face. . But I found a way to this so emotional state from bound, down and all to twenty f*#in feet tall. All you gave and all you had on reserve for me...I will store up and exert exponentially. Never weak not for a second, minute or hour- so long as my chest rests you I will borrow your powers.
How u gon leave before I get to have my two boys and watch them play power rangers together n make too much noise? U left way too soon, dog I was gonna call u back. I just got in around 1am and didn't wanna wake the fam... But damn. I was gonna hit u up the next day but the next day you was gone. She called me n told u me you just stayed asleep- found u cold and solid not a breath or peep. You aint even finish cuttin juju beans hair- u just left- midsentence like a comma and we all posed to just move on? I never wanted u to hear me mad at you I swear. U thought our family was distant cause of ur previous missions. U kno I'd never judge u got too much love for you. Now the youngest wear the line like its his cover "no closer than a brother" Why Rhakeem? Now I'm just supposed to see u in my dreams? U kno I don't sleep enough. I never was the emotional one that was you n Jay- but since u went away I can't call it. I swear I'm still strong but my walls be fallin. If I woulda called you right away- soon as I read the note u mailed me that day with the picture of your boys, big ol heads like yours- if I called you right away- would I have snatched u out ur sleep before death came n reaped? I don't know if I'm mad at you or the Doctor or this life this just don't seem right.... And right now I'm so emotional somewhere between sad and anti-social I scribble and I type tryna write like u used to write. I don't wanna always sound morbid but its how I keep the tears from crawlin. Sorrows are like tomorrows right? Inevitable and temporary? Then this has been one long azz today- the pain subsides but never goes away. Everytime I talk 2 ur wife- ur boys my nephews I feel for their lives. I mean u were myyy big Brother- but u raised them and was in love wit her and the pain I feel simultaneously enrages me- feel like how can I miss you when I'm fully grown? The boys have no more home to call home. Your wife gotta do it all alone. You and I were phone calls and holidays...blood never thinned but we coped long distance. I don't deserve to be so emotional but....what the f*ck else am I supposed to do?
Am I supposed to wear your name on my chest? Yes and I do and every mirror, wife beater and v-neck exposes you. Remember when I told you my boy Joe-nathan made fun of me? For how I used to tell all your stories? "My big brother does this, that and the other" All my fellas through high school knew you well, never saw you for a second but who could tell? All the biggest moments of my life were not felt when they were dated- but after hearing you describe them all animated. You turned my moments to historic, my proportions grew enormous just hearing the source of this shadow exclaim them.
You lived your life and did everything to protect me from repeating and all I ever wanted was your nod of approval in due season. So when we grew and it became me coaching you nothing was more gratifying then getting off the phone and being able to return to you some of the strength that you grew me on. So emotionally content, wound up yet able to vent because you spent the right amount of time loving yourself...loving yourself enough to thank the folks that helped you up. If I can do with the rest of my life what you did with the last 5 months of your time- pleased they'd all be with my legacy. I'm a giant because of you and I don't know how to play short. I still run for the end zone like I can never be caught. They call me a "true Libra" say I have no feelings either but I have yet to meet an emotion that stays and overcomes beyond a day like the way you blanket the sane of my face. . But I found a way to this so emotional state from bound, down and all to twenty f*#in feet tall. All you gave and all you had on reserve for me...I will store up and exert exponentially. Never weak not for a second, minute or hour- so long as my chest rests you I will borrow your powers.
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